In the midst of emotional abuse and betrayal trauma, victims often find themselves grappling with the label of “codependency.” Therapists, 12-step sponsors, and clergy may have used this term, and in the rush to seek safety, victims sometimes embrace it.
Safety-Seeking Responses to Trauma
It’s crucial to recognize that the behaviors often mistaken for codependency may, in fact, be safety-seeking responses to trauma. Women experiencing betrayal trauma may exhibit hypervigilance, directing their focus and resources towards the source of the crisis. While these actions may resemble codependence, they are survival strategies in a situation that demands immediate safety.
At BTR.ORG, we distinguish between “safety-seeking” behaviors and codependence, emphasizing that the former is a natural response to traumatic circumstances. The concept of codependence, when imposed on victims, can hinder their quest for safety and support.
Focus on Safety – Not Self-Blame or Moral Assessments
In moments of intense trauma, the priority is not to delve into potential personal shortcomings labeled as codependency but rather to prioritize safety. The focus should be on creating a secure environment for healing, not on self-blame or moral assessments.
“How Can I Stop These ‘Safety-Seeking’ Behaviors?”
Setting and maintaining effective boundaries emerge as a powerful tool in reducing trauma and curbing safety-seeking behaviors. Boundaries, viewed as courageous actions, separate individuals from abuse, providing a foundation for healing.
For those struggling with obsessive thoughts and habits, women in our community have found the following to be helpful as they work toward safety from emotional abuse:
- Practicing mindfulness
- Radical self-care practices
- Establishing a sense of community, including attending our BTR.ORG Group Sessions.
- Learning more about emotional abuse, betrayal trauma, and how to heal.
Remember – Our Primary Goal is Your Emotional Safety
The narrative of codependency can divert attention from the primary goal of safety and healing. Instead of fixating on the label, victims are encouraged to ask new questions, find fresh perspectives, and prioritize their own well-being.
If you find yourself entangled in questions about codependency, remember that you are in trauma, and your priority is to seek emotional safety.
We are here to support you.