Can My Abusive Husband Change? | BTR.ORG

Can My Abusive Husband Change?

by | Self-Care

Don't you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead. -Jeffery R. Holland

At Betrayal Trauma Recovery, one of the most frequent questions women ask is, “Can my partner recover?” Whether from pornography use, infidelity, emotional abusiveness, or other devastating forms of relational abusiveness, women want to know if there’s a reason to keep holding out.

Victims of Emotional Abuse Must Get to Safety First

The answer is, yes, your husband can recover. Will he? That is up to him.

Do you have to wait around and be abused while he figures out if he wants to join you and your children?

No. And you shouldn’t.

BTR doesn’t advocate divorce or staying in the marriage: we advocate for safety.

Effective Boundaries Protect Women and Children From Emotional Abuse

Whether victims stay married to, separate from, or divorce their abuser, boundaries are absolutely essential in protecting women and their children from further abuse.

Boundaries are not statements, requests, or ultimatums. They are courageous actions that women take to separate themselves and their children from abusive behavior.

How Will I Know If My Husband Is Changing?

For women who choose to stay married, but courageously separate themselves from abusive behavior, the question remains: how do they know when and if their partner has stopped being abusive?

Lundy Bancroft has outlined 13 Signs of Change that can help victims gauge if their partner is unsafe, becoming safe, or a truly safe person.

Education Empowers Victims of Emotional Abuse

At BTR, we believe that as women educate themselves about trauma and abuse, they are better-equipped to make informed decisions and become empowered to begin their journeys to healing.

Betrayal Trauma Recovery Supports Victims of Emotional Abuse

The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group meets daily in every time zone. Join women all over the world for validation, community, and support as you process your trauma and begin healing.

Tune in to the free BTR Podcast for inspirational stories of women who have survived and triumphed over abuse.

And remember, you are not alone.

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  1. Amy

    Thank you for this brave post. I can relate to SO much of what you’ve said here and am so thankful you have this place for women to hear truth, validation of what this trauma has done to us and the reality of what our own recovery is like.

    Recovery a bit for me includes posting this here – acknowledging to others that I NEED this podcast and these coaches and support groups. I need to listen to this, to know other women are walking this same path – in the shadows or in the darkness or (thank GOD) in the full light of day. I was fearful for so long to put my name in the comments or include my voice to anything that might associate me with sex addiction or recovery – shame definitely and embarrassment held me back. I’m done with that. Excluding myself from this collective sisterhood does not serve me any more.

    I’m Amy.

    • Anne

      Amy, welcome. So grateful for your sisterhood!


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