Betrayal Trauma Recovery Can Help You Find Truth And Safety

by | Abuse Literacy | 1 comment

Betrayal Trauma Recovery offers Individual Sessions to women who are seeking help with their husband’s or partner’s pornography or sex addiction. One woman talks about her experience with an Individual Session on Therapeutic Disclosures.

“My husband disclosed to me about two years into our marriage that he had masturbated. Soon after, he disclosed that he had viewed pornography.

“At the time, I had no concept of what these things entailed or would do to our marriage. I was devastated and broken by his disclosures.

“In the following years, he would disclose about twice a year that he had viewed pornography and masturbated. Each time, he made it seem like it was ‘just that one time.’ I died a little more inside each time he disclosed.”

Betrayal Trauma Recovery Is For Women Of All Ages And Stages

Betrayal Trauma Recovery Individual Sessions are helpful to any woman, no matter what stage of the journey they are in.

“After 13 years of marriage, he had been attending 12-Step meetings regularly and had started working the steps with a sponsor. I, finally, found the courage to find a support group for myself.

“Attending support group was an extremely validating experience. There I was, surrounded by other women whose husbands had the same ‘problem.’ I was astounded to see how many beautiful women were in my support group.

“‘Are their husband’s blind, or did looks have nothing to do with it?’ I wondered. About this time, I stumbled onto Betrayal Trauma Recovery.

Betrayal Trauma Recovery Can Help You Find The Truth

Betrayal Trauma Recovery provides more than support, it provides education. Through the weekly podcast and blog, women can find information on dozens of topics.

“Through the BTR podcast and blog posts, over time, I learned more about the addiction. I also learned more about addict behavior. I started going to therapy with someone trained and experienced in betrayal trauma.

“One day, my husband made a comment that started me thinking about how often he had really acted out.

“I asked him, directly, ‘How often did you really act out?’

“Again, I was devastated. My entire marriage had been a lie. My husband had severely minimized his acting out.”

Betrayal Trauma Recovery Coaches Can Help You Find Safety

A full disclosure can be helpful or harmful. A full therapeutic disclosure should be healing and not lead to more harm. Working with a qualified, experienced therapist can make a difference in how healing a disclosure is.

“We started going to marriage therapy. I asked for a disclosure. It sucked. It was only the physical acting out sexual behaviors. It took all of 30 minutes.

“The man had been addicted to pornography and masturbation since he was 8. He was almost 38. It should have taken longer than that and the therapist never worked with me about what I wanted and needed from a disclosure.

“He worked with my husband for the first 15 minutes of our session.

“After other circumstances occurred, I set a boundary that I would not go to this therapist anymore and I would prefer if my husband didn’t either. I didn’t make him, but, eventually, he switched to a different therapist.

“The new therapist has been working on another disclosure with him. I had no idea what I wanted or needed. My therapist, who is wonderful, isn’t skilled at helping with disclosures, so I signed up for an Individual Session to get help with the disclosure.”

Betrayal Trauma Recovery Individual Sessions Are Helpful and Validating

It’s very simple to sign up for a session. Click on this link, fill out the form, set an appointment, and you’ll receive an email with the link. The day before your session, you’ll receive a reminder along with the link for your Coach’s Zoom room.

“It was so easy to sign up and the BTR Coach was great. I received the link to her Zoom room the day before the session. On the day of the session, I clicked on the link and signed in. (I already had the free app on my phone and laptop, since I use Zoom for school.)

“When the session started, she listened to my story and completely validated my experience. She completely understood mine and my husband’s need for this next disclosure to be therapeutic.

“She asked me some questions about how I’ve been injured the most by my husband’s addiction and then gave me some categories to come up with questions for him.

“She asked me to email my list of questions to her and then we would meet again to determine which ones I really needed answered.

“The Individual Session was so helpful. The coach was so helpful. Even though, I haven’t had the time to compile my list (I’m super busy with 6 kids and school), I have a better idea of how to go about it.

“I’m looking forward to working with the BTR Coach again to finalize my questions, so my husband and I can progress further in our marriage, with everything out in the open and the truth on the table.”

Betrayal Trauma Recovery Coaches Are Trained To Help You Find Safety And Truth

Women come to Betrayal Trauma Recovery because they are looking for answers and safety.

Betrayal Trauma Recovery Coaches are trained to help women deal with the trauma they experience when they discover their husband or their husband discloses that he is addicted to pornography, sex, or had an affair. BTR Coaches are trained to help you through the three phases of healing from betrayal trauma.

3 Phases Of Healing From Betrayal Trauma

  1. Safety & Stabilization
  2. Grieving & Processing
  3. Rebuilding & Reconnecting

What CAN you anticipate when working with any one of our BTR coaches?

In EVERY session, you can expect your coach to:

  • Provide a safe space to process your trauma, experience compassion, and receive validation for everything you’re feeling and facing.
  • Help you regain your own strength, clarity and sense of direction.
  • Support you with absolutely NO AGENDA of her own—offering instead only patience, empathy, and tools to help you uncover your own truth, for your own safety.

What To Expect From Your BTR Coach In The Safety & Stabilization Phase

  • Identify your most urgent needs and help you Create a Plan for Healing.
  • Assess your network of “safe people,” or help you find those upon whom you can lean for support. To learn more about finding safe people, read here.
  • Work toward stabilizing your relationships, specifically, in terms of emotional, mental, physical and sexual safety. You’ll learn about Spotting & Stopping Emotional Abuse.
  • Learn techniques to ground yourself, especially during moments when your trauma is triggered. You’ll also learn about Understanding & Managing Triggers.
  • Recognize your most frequent or significant triggers, then create healthy boundaries to remove, reduce or respond to them. You’ll also learn about Setting & Holding Healthy Boundaries.

What To Expect From Your BTR Coach In The Grieving & Processing Phase

  • Accept yourself and where you’re at within the process of grief and recovery. You’ll learn about Healing Your Self-Worth.
  • Articulate the specific things you’ve lost, in relation to sexual abandonment, addiction and/or abusive behavior. You’ll learn about Growing Through Grief.
  • Recognize the different ways grief manifests within survivors of betrayal trauma.
  • Experience and process the pain in healthy (versus harmful) ways. You can also learn about what to do If He Relapses.
  • Leverage the grief to move yourself through the trauma and toward long-term healing.

What To Expect From Your BTR Coach In The Rebuilding & Reconnecting Phase

  • Reclaim parts of yourself you’ve lost through your experience of betrayal trauma. You can also learn about Finding Your Joy again.
  • Reorient yourself within a new, post-traumatic reality.
  • Reconnect with others—often in new ways, supported by new boundaries and new priorities. You can also learn about Healing Through Meditation.
  • Rebuild the kind of life you want to live and move forward, with new convictions, purpose and passions.

As women recovering from betrayal trauma, we balance a strong need for predictability (no more surprises, please!) and stability with a sense of cautious openness to whatever comes next. For more Individual Session topics, click here.

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