Led by Coach Cat
Limited to 12 participants (minimum 6)
Why Did You Become An APSATS Trained Betrayal Trauma Recovery Coach?
Coach Cat: If you have a read of my full bio on the BTR website, you’ll get the full info on the background that led me to what led me to work betrayed women professionally. But in a nutshell, I would say that it came about after I struggled to find a professional who truly understood what I was going through when I discovered my husband’s sexual issues.
I was actually terrified to find a professional to work with as I’d read so much about the hurtful, traumatic and unhelpful advice that others had received and I wasn’t prepared to spend large amounts of money on what felt like a huge risk. I knew that I had something to offer to others as I worked through my own healing and I felt deeply moved to support others through their healing to simply alleviate some of the absolute isolation I felt.
As the wife of a pastor in training I knew what it felt like to feel unable to tell a soul and to carry this burden alone and I didn’t want that for anyone else. That was my motivation to work professionally with betrayed women, that and my unshakeable belief that we were built to OVERCOME. I have survived my own addiction and recovery and have found within me a previously untapped resource of wisdom and strength that I see in my clients over and over and it’s such a huge joy to me to walk beside a woman as she unlocks the strength she didn’t know she had!
What Resources Do You Use To Help Women Heal From Betrayal Trauma?
Coach Rae: Here at BTR, we’re all looking forward to your new Facebook-based workbook study that begins April 3rd, utilizing the popular workbook Intimate Treason: Healing the Trauma for Partners Confronting Sex Addiction. Can you tell us a bit more about that book? What format does it use? What topics does it cover?
Coach Cat: Of course. There’s a lot to love about this book, not least the gentle and sensitive approach it takes to creating new awareness. I love that it doesn’t feel accusatory in its approach to opening up new awareness of behaviors, but rather offers an invitation to take a peek at your own coping strategies and trauma responses, understand and educate yourself about what’s really going on there and ask yourself how well they serve you.
I also love the really tangible strategies it offers. Because this is a work book, there is some work to be done, work that will be challenging at times but that will get results. It’s not the same as reading a book and thinking that they sound like some great ideas, its working through a book and actually applying those good ideas to my life and turning them into something tangible and achievable for my life.
As for topics, this is one of my favourite workbooks because it’s so comprehensive. I mean, this book really covers ALL the major touch points in recovery or healing and doesn’t shy away from the tough but necessary stuff (as I mentioned earlier thought, it’s both challenging and gentle in its approach to the tough stuff).
The first chapter is titled Claiming my Reality and really gets you started on finding your feet after whatever wave of betrayal has knocked you off your feet most recently. It does a really good job of helping you find voice for the losses and associated grief you’ve suffered and gives space to process that. It also covers boundaries, self-care, triggers, our own denial, coping strategies, self-worth, intimacy and the final chapter discusses the ever-tricky issues of spirituality and forgiveness in ways that are both realistic and empathetic.
The exercises in this book are simple and I like that. Now when I say simple, I don’t mean easy, I mean simple. They are clearly laid out and easy to follow and understand. Some are super quick, like rate yourself against this measure and think about some simple things you can do to move yourself up that scale and some are much more detailed, requiring some real self-reflection and journaling on a topic. So, there’s a variety of exercises and approaches which means that you’ll get an opportunity to explore what really works for you as you process this betrayal.
How Did You Heal From Betrayal Trauma?
Coach Rae: So, Cat, you and I obviously both work in this field as professional coaches—but as women who’ve confronted sex addiction within our own lives and relationships, we’re also each doing our own personal trauma recovery work, right? So, can you tell me how this book Intimate Treason has helped YOU heal your own betrayal trauma? In other words, is there one personal takeaway that YOU gained from reading this book?
Coach Cat: I think for me, it was much of what I’ve stated above. I found it so hard to live in the reality of the betrayal that breaking down some of that denial was hugely important. I wasn’t able to find my voice and speak for my needs until I could see and accept the reality of my situation. Coming to terms with the reality and making room for the grief that accompanied that was a game changer for me.
I’m a strong woman, like I mentioned earlier, I’m an overcomer, right, so really becoming vulnerable and FEELING those losses was hard for me to even find words for. So, the grief section was so important. The other thing that this helped to unlock was some of the hurt and loss I had that was associated with my own past. I was a drug addict myself for 10 years, I was no angel but after getting into recovery I had a new perspective on relationships and sex and really wanted this relationship, my marriage to be different from what we had both had before.
I wanted it to be pure, to be holy and now, even though my husband was a man of God, that was gone, a lie, another casualty of this thing. I was devastated by that and it took some time to come to terms with all the losses that represented for me. This book really helped me to expose some of that loss and begin the process of grief.
Coach Rae: Some of our listeners may be new to this concept of a Facebook-based workbook study—but I know that YOU are a seasoned pro at them! You’ve been facilitating Facebook groups for quite some time now, and I’ve even had the personal privilege of joining one of your Facebook study groups as a coaching client. You’ve done a FANTASTIC little video clip that does a GREAT job of explaining the logistics of this new group that starts on April 3rd. But I’m wondering this: What’s the most important thing you think women can get from this group that they WOULDN’T get by reading Intimate Treason on their own?
How Can An APSATS Coach Facilitated Group Help Women Heal From Betrayal Trauma?
Coach Cat: Community – Safe space, not alone, understood, validated and supported
- Motivation – seeing other gain momentum can inspire you to do the same
- Alternative perspectives – enriches learning and insights
- Coaching – maxizing the experience, keeping on track, overcoming barriers
- Value – when you pay for something it immediately creates a sense of value and that alone can increase the likelihood of actually getting through the exercises. So often I speak to women ad they tell me “Oh I have that book, it’s been on my shelf for months!” as they haven’t been able to find the time, energy or motivation to open it up and start working or maybe they did and then didn’t finish.
What you don’t get for free is an APSATS trained coach – why is that worth having? Educated insights and suggestions coming from good quality training that really ‘gets’ what’s going on with you.
And how does this group differ from the FREE Facebook support groups that available for women?
Free Facebook peer support groups are GREAT, I participate in them and even host one for UK based women myself. They create some of the things I have mentioned above – community, validation, support, experience and alternate perspectives etc.
What they don’t offer (for the most part) is any professional insight from well trained and experienced professionals. Betrayal Trauma is a complex issue and managing a group through this type of workbook requires some skill. As an experienced group facilitator, I have the ability to keep everyone safe and manage the group experience in a way that benefits everyone and avoids unnecessary trigger and that kind of thing. It is also my role to keep an eye on the welfare of members and make sure we’re all doing OK. I take that seriously. I work really hard to make sure that anyone leaving a group of any kind with me feels like they have gained a lot and moved forward from where they were before.
If women have questions about the book Intimate Treason, or wonder how this Facebook-based workbook study might fit into their recovery plans, please email Coach Cat at email@example.com or any one of our APSATS coaches.